Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
