I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
