We're like a lot better than the average bears
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
