WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
