Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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