Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
