Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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