Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
