you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
