peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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