your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
