If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
