I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize