Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
