Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
