I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
