He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
