This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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