real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
