We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
