Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
