Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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