I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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