Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
