We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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