TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
