her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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