yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
