remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
