Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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