I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
