So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
