If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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