just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
