You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
