And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
