Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
