After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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