Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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