I hate all girls vehemently.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I FOUND THE LEGS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
