And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
