I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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