Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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