Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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