Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
