Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
