I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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