I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
