he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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