Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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