a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
