I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
