Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
