false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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