she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
