Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
