do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
