Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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