Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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