he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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