A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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