Everything about him screamed your future.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
