Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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