Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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