walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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