Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
