I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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