So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
