Im at strip club and am horny
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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