I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
