There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
