I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
