Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
