Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
