We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
