I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
