you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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