I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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