Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
