This is not my ceiling
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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