I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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