From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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