Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
