so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
