All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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