My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
