Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
